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[02 Dec 2006|11:00pm] |
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I'm sorry guys, but this isn't the way to express my emotions or get your emotions out. I'm going to delete my LJ. BTW this is Kevin and Ty is on the phone telling me to do this, I won't question him just do what he wants... So lata guys~!
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[02 Dec 2006|02:14am] |
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Can I go back to spontaniously kidnapping you guys in the middle of the night and taking you to Denny's :(
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[30 Nov 2006|11:28am] |
15 days left till vacation.
I need a new scenery.
I want to change something.
Since I'm not busy with other things. I guess I could start helping myself to something I want, Or better put in words, need. I don't know where to start... I look around my room, and it's empty. Full of nothing I can start from. If I'm to start from nothing where would that be?
Maybe I can't create a new scenery.
Maybe I can create a new me.
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[26 Nov 2006|09:32pm] |
This world is full of a lot of dumb shit
Thank god I have a huge tolerance to human ignorance.
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| EVERY ONE OF YOU NEED TO READ THIS. |
[23 Nov 2006|08:46pm] |
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music |
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New Found Glory - On my mind |
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Why are we as teens so obligated to growing up.
is it because it gives us a sense of maturity. Like you're some kid who just made a big choice, and now you have this new adult attitude. What ever happened to us as kids. When we promised ourselves, "I'm never going to do that to my kids." I'm never going to restrict them. I'm never going to hold them against their free will and independent minds. Why are we in life so full of hypocracy(Shit)? When you made that promise to yourself, did you ever think you'd find yourself doing exactly what your parents did to you, your whole life. Do you even realize your doing that to your loved ones? Even your friends?
And keep lying to yourself that "it's the immature thing to do?". We're fucking 17-19 years old. Why the fuck should we have to worry about being safe? Why do we feel like we have to make up all these dumb excuses to make ourselves sound so superior to everything. Like we just made some big sacrifice and we deserve a fucking pat on the back. We're 17-19 we shouldn't be holding ourselves back, because we're just giving into our own immature and undeveloped minds. I guess that's why 90% of you turn out just the way your parents did. Until you realize you're stuck into the same state of minds your parents were when they were driving you fucking insane, you're just going to be exactly like them. This time you're ganna be the one causing your kid to say, "Fuck this I'm getting the fuck outa here."
I don't understand what you guys are doing to yourselves. You're fucking young. And the more you try to grasp this adult sense of mind. The more you're just going to become like your parents. The more you're going to fuck up. Cause lemme tell you this. You aren't mature. None of you are. You weren't mature in 9th grade when you said you were, and you aren't mature now. You're not capable of making decisions that effect other peoples lives. You have no experience. You really don't understand.
So fucking knock it off. Stop trying to bring everyone you talk to down. Cut it fucking out. Let that person be stupid and experiment. Trust. Prove your fucking trust. Not everyone thinks like you. Not everyone has the same perspective. You think we act this way just because we're under some sort of influence. Maybe the influence is you. Maybe you're the reason why I don't drink any more. Maybe you're the one making me scared. Scared I'm really going to do all these horrible things you're shoving into my fucking mind.
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[22 Nov 2006|11:25pm] |
Drunk Like Junk
I guess Im just another punk
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[19 Nov 2006|04:23pm] |
-vaccuumed
-carpet cleaned
-kitchen cleaned
-bathroom cleaned
I feel like a fucking house maid!
I should be getting paid for this shit.
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[18 Nov 2006|06:09pm] |
Our fridge is full of beer.
I'm going to get a california borrito.
And then I'm ganna hit the beer bong
AND ITS ALL FOR YOU NEIL.
ALL FOR YOU>
.<3.<3.
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[16 Nov 2006|10:15pm] |
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What happens when you've grown unaccustomed to love?
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[16 Nov 2006|02:17am] |
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music |
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New found glory - on my mind |
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Internets up. This place is starting to feel like home. It's kinda irritating because I wonder where this house would be if I didn't take initiative. I set up the trash. The Cable, sort of, Neil put his name and info under it. On top of that I've been cleaning Brian's and kyle's mess in the living room. Beer bottles and top ramen bowels laying everywhere. That area stinks like top ramen. It's ridiculous. I vaccumed and bagged all that shit and tomorrow I'm just ganna air it out and spray a lot of good smelling stuff on it. Then I'm ganna make kyle clean the kitchen.
Besides that. Krysta's disowned us, completely. Meh, it's hard to say if she'll chill out in a week or if she'll hold a grudge for ever, like most girls.
In conclusion,
With Brian and Kyle constantly making a fucking mess.
Chris constantly worried about Krysta dumping him.
My brother constantly away or working.
And Neil never going to move in.
My life's fucking awesome.
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[07 Nov 2006|03:05pm] |
Everything's been chilled out lately. New home, new everything. It seems like a permanent vacation. It really is awesome. I miss my fucking phone though. I haven't talked with any one or hung out with any one since I lost it. Laaame. I'm trying to get my school back on track. Ditching really is a disease. It's funny because I went into my class and I was like "I'm sorry I haven't been here the past 2 weeks. How are my grades doing?" he opened his grade book and said, "Well you missed some assignment but you don't have to worry, you got perfect scores on all your essays and tests."
OWNAGE
In other teen news:
Apathy can be defined as an epidemic
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[05 Nov 2006|06:48pm] |
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mood |
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Double YOU TEA EFF |
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Sooo, Everyone's been getting fucking wasted and having a good time. But noooooo. I have to be responsible and go to work! Grawr. Got that new job. Ganna call them tomorrow and tell them I'm going to hawaii with Kev and stuff. Right now I have to kick myself to get me to write this fucking essay. I'm such a bitch procrastinatorz.
LIKE NEIL
LAWLAWLALWAWL
WHO HASN'T EVEN MOVED INTO THE HOUSE HE'S PAYING RENT FOR. WHAT A LAZY ASS <3<3<3<3<3
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[31 Oct 2006|06:19pm] |
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Alone on halloween... I guess that's where I belong
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[28 Oct 2006|09:00pm] |
Sometimes I just feel like a little child waiting to understand.
I'm stuck between two worlds... Childhood and the future. In pursuing my future I often feel lost in the past. The more I think about changing, the more it makes no sense. Because when I was younger that was all the changes I told myself I'm not going to do.
You don't have to be an adult to pay bills. You don't have to be an adult to live on your own. Maybe it's the state of mind. But some sides sides of my mind scare me. I don't want to go down these paths. If I let it take control of me I wouldn't be the person everyone knows me to be. I wouldn't have all these great friends I have now...
Yet even as I write this, I feel like a lost child.
Not one rebellious to reality. These simple problems
like moving out or having my own job aren't affecting
me. To me it's more, everything I do reflects a
different side of me. Which do I want?
Why am I even worrying about this. Is it because I'm just waiting for this download to finish and I'm posting to kill off time. These things are so dumb to think about. Why do they keep bothering me? They're so retarded. Is it because I can't pick between to realities? No... that can't be it. My head's never clear enough to justify my thoughts. I'm a lost cause.
Maybe that's growing up. Letting go all these childish discrepancies flooding my mind.
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| PHILO SOFTY |
[26 Oct 2006|02:49pm] |
I can't get it outa my head. This obsession with philosophy. I wanna know the reason for every persons actions. Ever since I was a kid. All I'd do when I was laying in bed, Or stairing at nothing in class was think about reasoning. What caused their actions. I was so obsessed, that after creating my own reasoning for their actions I'd just test it on other people/the same people/family/friends. I didn't care I just wanted to solve this mess of ideas in my head about why everything happens and fit all to one or many solutions.
I probably started when I was about 7/8. My brother triggered my thought. Every day I'd watch him go through hell. He'd run away, Attempt suicide, Cut himself, drugs. I couldn't understand what could push him so far. I was just this ignorant little child. After just watching him over the years, I found friends, movies, anything I could get my hands on to figure out what makes people do this. I couldn't get it outa my head. I just wanted more knowledge. I reasoned with Love, Loss, Hope, Hate, Depression, Every feeling humans experienced/struggled/decided in life. And it just led me to become more adept with reasoning. I've never questioned why people chose this reasoning. I just understood it. I understood exactly waht their response would be to my argument, or exactly how it would effect their train of thought.
In being lost in this love for all these emotions, I wanted to help everyone with it. I would tell them something or give them advice then base their reaction and response on what I've seen before. To figure out which area their mind is lost in. I just wanted to figure out what was making them struggle and decide if I should just give them what they want to hear. Or smack them in the face with reality.
I want to become better in writing. So I can explain the kinda stuff to myself. Everyone's reasoning is too adept for words, it's hard to find exactly what I mean, or exactly the message I'm trying to send to them. I can only understand it in my head. I just want to write it out on paper. Like some kind of math problem. Something so amazing it'd freak me out.
I feel so lost in words when ever I throw out this chaotic interpretation of my mind.
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| Gangstar |
[21 Oct 2006|07:15pm] |
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music |
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Motion City Soundtrack - The Future Freaks Me Out |
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Last night was some crazy shit. Looooots of stuff happened. I miss those kinds of parties. It reminds me of the old days... Back when we were in highschool. That's how awesome it was.
I never really understood how much me and my brother think alike. Being raised 18 years together, and I used to be ignorant and put myself above him in my own standards. But now that I'm a little grown up and understand that I'm really not much or at all better than the people standing next to me. I realized me and my bro share tons of similarities. No matter how much Itry to seperate my opinion from his. It's exactly the same. Every time. I can't get over it... It's weird.
last night made me realize how happy we used to be. You've all changed now. There was a time when nothing got us down. Now all we do is infect the atmosphere with constant worry and silent staring. I hate it. Maybe that's why I never want to get drunk any more. It's not for the same reasons we used to drink. Now it's just to drown depression. Or cover up a sad face. But all it does is kill everyone's feelings around us.
At one of the parties I told Neil, "I'm getting drunk. Not because something around us is bad, not because there's something I don't want to remember any more, but I'm getting drunk cause it's me and you. So we can sit around play guitar and laugh at our own stupid jokes."
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| Neil I swear.... |
[15 Oct 2006|07:09pm] |
Holy fucking shit Neil. For the last five episodes of Gundam Seed Destiny I've wanted to fucking shoot myself for some of the stupidest shit they keep saying. If they're so fucking adept why are they suffering over these SIMPLE decisions on how to act in battle. I just want to fucking SHOOT MYSELF SO I DON'T HAVE TO SEE THEM CRINGE EVERY TIME THEY SAY SOMETHING RETARDED!!!!!!! You know how one of the characters is like - "Well you're just jumping to conclusions" Other character - *****CRINGE****!!!!!!
So anyway. Who ever invented Cagalli's character, needs to be fucking shot in the head. She's so fucking "Powerful" with words to Orb right??? Then WHY THE FUCK IS SHE RUNNING INTO THE BATTLE AND SAYING "ZOMG DONT SHOOT." Jesus christ put a fucking bullet in her head. Thanks to her some people I actually liked in the show died. That fucking immature bitch. SECONDLY, KIRA NEEDS A REALITY CHECK. He needs somebody to fucking put a gun to his head and say, "Listen up dipshit, I don't fucking shoot at Orb because I want to directly attack them. I fucking shoot at Orb because they're being manipulated by some dumbfuck crybaby that would put a bullet in his own mothers head if she got in his way. And secondly that retard Cagalli needs to return to Orb and fucking numchuck that dumb ass pillow biter, instead of letting you guys chase her around like the pansy asses you are."
Lemme tell you this though. The only reason why I'm watching it still and am still alive to this moment (With only a few gunshot wounds from wanting to shoot myself)
Is because Rey and Shinn are the only people catching my intrest, and they're ideals are way more fucking logical than those retards that HAD to come from "Gundam Seed".
/END RANT
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[15 Oct 2006|07:50am] |
So I woke up this morning at 7.. Started getting dressed. And my mom gets up and asks me,
"Where are you going?" (Knowing I only went to bed at 4)...
"I'm just going to help Chris out... his stuff's in Carlsbad." ...
"All the way up in Carlsbad? *Confused face*" ...
"Yeah as long as I get back before work I can do it."
Then she does a quick laugh as if she thought of something witty. So I asked "What's so funny?" ... "Just like you're dad. Always putting off your day to help some one out..."
And I just thought... What an honor to be considered anywhere near the levels of my dad's kindness and courage...
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[10 Oct 2006|05:10pm] |
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My mind is a disaster. I feel as if I can never comprehend my thought process. Finding words to say. Anyhting that fits. Trying to understand exactly how I'm feeling right now. The only way I can organize my thoughts is by coughing up a disasterous mess onto my screen and then delete irrelevent ideas or statements, and using big descriptive words to define exactly what the fuck I'm trying to explain.
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[08 Oct 2006|10:42pm] |
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Well I'm moving out November 1st. Into a nice house with a bunch of friends. It's weird, cause I'm just waiting for it to hit me. That I'm moving out. I've lived in this house for 12 years... I'm not scared or anything. It just seems like a whole new way to start my life over. Everything's ganna be weird... I've also got money saved for a trip... But ... I'm ganna have to do something extra in order to keep it. With bills to pay and all. Then I gotta keep up on my schooling. And work full time. It just seems to easy to me... I don't like it... I want a day off to go drive some where so I can just sit in solace. I need some time off =/
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